Rest, An Oasis

Image from Barrybuzza.com

The necessity of resting and the results of not resting seem to be so overwhelmingly evident that it would almost seem a foregone conclusion that all of us would undertake to secure this necessary comfort for ourselves.  However, this is not actually the situation and hence the case for resting is stated, re-stated, and repeatedly and tirelessly emphasised in different and diverse contexts.

There is this (awe-inspiring for me) story in the Mahabharata (among many such) from the time of the great war.  Arjuna and his divine charioteer, Krishna enter the tight and skillfully arranged vyuham (a classical formation, strategic positioning and arrangement of the military) of their opponents - this is after the murder of Abhimanyu and Arjuna has vowed to avenge his son's death by killing his killers; they have to reach the centre of the vyuham before sunset that day.  So, after a long, hard day of intense fighting, and still some way to go before reaching their goal, and dusk fast approaching, Krishna actually says that his horses cannot go any further without their water and rest! Then, cool-as-you-please, the duo proceed to do the needful - Krishna stops the chariot, un-tethers his horses; Arjuna invokes an astra and materialises a pond full of water for the horses while continuing to fight, now on foot.  When the horses are rested, lovingly taken care of by their master (I am utterly charmed by descriptions of how much Krishna loved his horses and how he took care of them), he tethers them back to the chariot, Arjuna gets nimbly onto the chariot, still fighting.  And they continue towards the nucleus.  All in a day's work!

I was of course completely taken by the animal-care angle of the story, as well as the unflappable quotient of the scene and its protagonists.  It beats Vijay's cool-as-cucumber Gilli hands down! However, one of my yoga teachers offered yet another meaning to the metaphor - that of the vaahanam (a vehicle, that which carries). That we need to give utmost care and attention to the vaahanam. And that this body is the vaahanam of my spirit, my being.  Hence, we need to pay attention to the body and take care of it.  The body is the instrument of action.

Right in the middle of that bloody war and destruction, an oasis was created for the horses to drink water and take rest. And this is exactly what our bodies (and hence eventually minds - we are a psychosomatic unity no matter how much we try to divide and isolate parts of ourselves) need: the oases of rests, now and then, here and there.

Image from tonydering.com

One kind of rest is of course sleep, and it is well known that as human beings, we do need sleep to function. The contribution of sleep to restoring, repairing, healing, building the immune system, enhancing our creative processes and maintaining the nervous system etc cannot be overstated.  All one has to do is go without sleep for a couple of days to experience what lack of sleep can do to one, just like Shwetaketu went without food for many days to understand what happens.  However I am not sure about an optimum because this would vary from person to person according to their lifestyle, occupation, individual particularities and so on.  Even for one individual, the number of hours needed sleeping may change depending on season, his / her health conditions, foods consumed, recent daily activities and so on.  Each individual may need to experiment and observe to arrive at how many hours of sleep he / she needs on an average.

We also need other kinds of rest oases besides sleeping.  The oasis could be for a few minutes or hours or extend to rest days.  It depends on how much one needs to slow down, recuperate and recharge.  Or completely stop for the time being - if one has overused or abused the body so much.  But rest, we must.

- Taking that one, long breath and checking that you have taken everything that you need before you step out that door could be rest

- Having that cup of tea or coffee sitting, one sip at a time, could give you the rest you need rather than gulping it down as you try to finish other tasks

- A relaxing yoga practice at the end of a working day

- Putting aside everything else and giving your child your complete attention while answering his / her question

- a 15-minutes power nap

- Playing with the dogs when they are frisky and asking for your time

- Stopping in the middle of frenzied activity to sit down and do some praanayaama; you may find the frenzy melting away

-  Just closing your eyes and massaging them by placing gentle palms on them

- Sitting and folding clothes neatly and carefully, without creases, with ends meeting, no tails hanging out

- Washing the dishes while washing the dishes to wash the dishes (Read Thich Nhat Hanh's Miracle of Mindfulness)

- Listening to your favourite piece of music

- Practicing S-L-O-W motion in activity

- Giving your vocal chords a chance to be without work for some time - indulging in some quiet time

- Staring out into the infinite blue of the ocean and breathing with the waves (if you live on the coast of course)

- Taking a long walk without needing to get some place

- Bathing in moonlight and watching the moon climb up the sky

- Learning, practicing and creating Kolams in front of my house, especially pulli kolams

The above are some of my favourite oases of rest.  You would of course have / discover your own besides.  Happy resting! 

How to Start and Keep a Habit

Almost everything is a habit.  Or becomes one.  Of course, the source is a value or intention or feeling or coping mechanism - any of the intangibles.  However they manifest over time as tangible habits.

So, how then can we start new ones and maintain them?  Almost all of us have starting trouble, and / or, once started, maintenance trouble. I certainly do.

One of the primary ways to start a new habit: Just start it.  I mean that.  If we start making lists, planning and scheduling, that means we are procrastinating. None of that.  I have learnt that I jut have to get down to business; no thinking about it.

Image from sporttechie.com

However, one technique that seems to help with starting a new habit / practice, is to do so with an event of some sort. This works for me because 'reverence' is a moving factor (for me). If I start a habit with an important event, or even a celebration, that will in some way almost sanctify the whole deal, and I am surer to revere the process and follow it.  And I think that this is an Indian trait.  Most ordinary Indians seem to be driven by faith in God, and hence starting something in the name of God is more guaranteed to continue.  This seems to work for me too, though not in the 'break-coconut-for-Ganesha' way* (although why not!).  For instance, the early hours before dawn breaks hold a special meaning for me.  For unexplainable reasons (and / or those reasons are not within the scope of this piece), those couple of hours are very sacred, and being awake at this time and doing whatever it is I am doing, becomes very important.  So I try and see if I can somehow, in some way, bring a new habit or some component of it into that space, until it becomes a actual habit.

It is also possible that starting a practice as part of an event makes it public and brings in a factor of accountability for some.  One could put this onus on oneself to make it known to friends, family or others who may be doing something similar, and hence make oneself accountable.  It is also true that one is ALWAYS accountable to one's self.

Now to keep that habit.  Over time, I have figured out some ways that seem to work for me.  There will definitely be other ways, and many more corollary ones that you will find or would have found en route. The following have helped me become consistent with, and make a new practice into a habit:

1) Pegging it with an older habit:  I find pegging to be infinitely helpful.  I link the new practice with an old habit.  One needs to take care that the older practice is something that one enjoys and it is not a chore or an obligation, or that it is a regular necessity that one doesnt even need to think about, to follow.  For instance, getting up and brushing teeth (if that is a confirmed thing for you of course). It has also helped me to peg related practices to each other, rather than completely unrelated ones.  For example, if you want to practice drinking more water, it would help to peg it with a food or water related habit or your movement in the kitchen (or wherever drinking water is, in your home / workplace), rather than pegging it with, say, checking eMail. But, whatever works.  It's interesting and insightful to play with this and see what kind of pegging works for you.

2) Starting small:  I have learnt the very hard way that the importance of small steps cannot be overemphasised.  In fact, I am still learning.  We seem to tend towards making grand plans, starting with a bang, intensely, and the initial energy and enthusiasm fizzles out the moment we hit an obstacle.  Or like a short distance running competition, the burst of energy burns itself out.  We need to think of this more as an ongoing marathon.  So, take small steps.  Dont give up on all the junk food you are having AND include lots of vegetables and fruits in your diet AND start stocking up on organic foods AND learning / trying out new millet recipes, all in the same week.  Perhaps concentrate only on including more vegetables and fruits - or better still, start just with including one fruit a day to what you eat.  You will slowly and automatically start making the adjustments to accommodate that one fruit.  One step at a time, and you will go a long way.  I rediscover this constantly!

3) An attitude of learning:  This may well be the hardest part.  If and when you slip from the practice, and mostly you will, take a breath, take a step in, and look.  At what's happening inside and outside.  What triggered the slip? How were you feeling just as you gobbled up that packet of chips? Later? It's easier said than done, but it needs to be said - it just will NOT help to play the self-blame game.  Self-flagellation is an indulgence of the trickster mind to keep you comfortable and lazy.  Give it a few long breaths (long exhalations), tell your mind "all is well" and that you're okay with some discomfort.  And you're on your way.  Until the mind tries a couple of new tricks.  An attitude of learning, and hence, watchfulness will help.

There are a couple of supportive situations that one can in addition create for oneself:

A) Preparation - I've got to prepare myself with the basics before I can go rock climbing.  Similarly, just check in with yourself to see if you are in alignment with what you want to start; you may well have to go with some intermediate steps and take it from there. (Its almost like another way of saying 'start small')

B) Environment - If you are trying to cut down junk food, it will help to clear the shelves of all junk food packets, and stay away from outings with people who you know will buy / consume junk stuff as part of the entertainment.  Stay away at least until the intention has become a habit.  You may find that you dont miss those outings much in any case.  It helps to constantly re-arrange your environment to suit the pursuit.

These are some start-offs that help me immensely whenever I am trying to start something new, and I keep discovering corollary or new ones all the time.  Happy Habitting!

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* In Hindu culture, it is deemed auspicious to start anything new or travel etc with Lord Ganesha's blessings, and this is typically done by breaking a coconut in front of the temple, and offering as prasaadam (sanctified / blessed by God)
  

Young At Heart or Old and Wise?

Image from hrrindia.com

Am I young or Am I old? Using this particular question and a situation, I realised I was wading through a larger, general problematique of 'tradition and modernity'.

A popular apparel brand has as part of its advertising paraphernalia, the slogan, "Stay young always".  I saw this put up somewhere recently with images of 'hip' teenagers wearing trendy, western clothes and in different poses.  We see this emphasis on youth, all the time, everywhere, and in advertisements, certainly.  It seems like only specific and niche themes want to represent the older population, say, savings and investment towards a house for retirement.  (The themes themselves, what themes target the old and what the young, is in itself a subject of examination but not within the current scope)

The obvious, first explanations for this interest and infatuation with being young are known and understood: youth is associated with beauty, vigour, vitality, strength, adventure and so on.  I believe that all this is true. 

There is also another picture of youth (not portrayed in ads as a rule* for obvious reasons) that is held by society, wherein youth also means irresponsibility, irreverence, rebelliousness, a devil-may-care attitude, brashness and so on. I believe all this to be true. 

Neither do I feel like putting a 'positive' label to the former set of attributes, nor a 'negative' label to the latter.  

The sudden indignant question that arose in me when I saw that ad took me a little by surprise: why should I always stay young?  I realised,

- I at last feel "grown up", even old sometimes;

- I feel that much of youth-time (from my experience, and also that of my peer group, close and far, that I see) has been / is a struggle with life, struggle to understand, not-peaceful, full of drama and so on and I loved most of it;

- I also feel that in my "old age" I am 'settling' to responsibility and I am loving it;

- I feel old and I feel much more gathered, coherent, and at peace with my self than ever before.

I many times see that others in my friends' circles, my contemporaries feel similarly in varying degrees and ways, though they may not use the same vocabulary.  

Then why is there this insistence on staying young?  This staying-young perspective also seems to fear words like 'responsibility' and 'settling' ('settling' is always actually 'settling down' - perhaps this is to do with putting down roots?) 

This fear I believe is the crux of the matter.  Most current public idiom of a certain kind seem to originate and revolve around this fear: the fear of old age.  Because old age means disease, and death.  The inherent fear is that of death.  And hence, none of the products and ads want to become old - a cream to remove 7 or 8 or 9 signs of aging; clothes that are young and trendy; music and technology and food and schemes to stay young all the time, these hit us 24X7, leveraging on that increasing fear of old age.  

image from nirdeshak.com

At the same time, I also constantly encounter an idiom of another kind (although it is growing lesser and lesser I feel).  An idiom, which respects and gives 'old age' and becoming an elder a certain, special place in human engagement, be it personal, social, at the work place... it takes different forms in different contexts.  I believe that traditional Indian culture gives old age a certain respect and place.  And by doing this, I believe that it demands of them certain ways of being that befits them (I sort of explain what I mean by this a little later), through its colourful and intricate tapestry.  For instance, in traditional contexts, I see elders always being graciousness and generosity personified.  And it is a taken that they are that way.  Of course in an Indian context, they are much of the time also hierarchical and authoritative, however I see my elders holding both effortlessly; one doesn't negate the other.  

At the same time, I believe that traditionally young age is also given a certain respect and place; and by doing this, I believe that the same cultural tapestry demands of them certain ways of being that befits them. An immediate situation that comes to mind is that of learning and exploration.  

It seems to me that the codes and grammar of Indian culture evolve in such a way that it is constantly reminding people of their context and station in life.  However, I hasten to add that this does NOT mean that we have to get caramelized into our respective ages such that we don't have the value for, or practice other attributes in necessary contexts.  For instance, I definitely don't think that it is to be understood as, the elderly must not learn or question or be adventurous, or that the young must not be generous. I believe that tradition does deem appropriateness and context as important factors to consider.  Everything has its time, place and context. 

And hence, old and young age, both have their right value, purpose and journey.  There seems to me a gracefulness about this acceptance of, and going with the flow of a natural rhythm of life.  And all practices, rituals, thought-systems, structures etc seem to be built around this understanding and acceptance of the natural rhythm of life and its processes.  What befits each entity is born out of this afresh all the time.  Everyone is on this journey.  

A modern context is always to gain, by its very nature of being modern, because the modern is here, contemporary, in with the changing times, and resultant advantages, an important one being that of individual autonomy and pursuit.  However it is losing out in many significant ways; one such is the loss of this acceptance of a natural rhythm and order.  And hence, the fear of old age.  

The modern inclination to stop the flow and dam everything into compartments has an interesting result.  What in a traditional context is a taken and natural process, and which the path of Yoga gives as a committed and systematic practice, contemporary writings have made into a one-time privilege that is received.  All of the discussion on "old souls" that I have encountered have clearly isolated ideas of maturity in thought, wisdom and so on, saying that there are some blessed ones who are born this way - the old souls.  While the descriptions of old souls are all beautiful, lyrical and tugging at our spiritual and romantic selves, they all seem to be saying that these ideas are available only to a few.  

image from vedicodyssey.com

So, am I young at heart, or have I grown old? :-|

I seem to be in a phase of finding tension areas wherein I simply cannot make an either-or choice; here, the constant tug of war between tradition and modernity.  And I find I cannot choose one over the other.  I cannot also give up both and say that I am beyond either of them.  I am not saintly at all.  My choice and work is in including both, and simultaneously holding tradition and modernity, and keep discovering the truth of life, herein. It is not dammed (damned?) at one point, but a flow!  I am young at heart, "not having a care in the world" as I am playing with my daughter, and completely old, having absolute care for her safety and needs and wants, as we play. 

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* There are always exceptions to rules

Of Listening and Self Discipline

This is a corollary and continuation to the Introduction of this blog.  To summarise the introduction: everybody wants to have their say, and the vast ocean of personal blogs in the world wide web seems to be expressing the same desire; however, who is truly listening, to understand and engage in a meaningful way?

Let's go further now, and ask, what if one was truly listening, just to listen?  Listening for the purpose of listening.  What does that mean?  That there is no agenda or purpose for the listening, save for that of listening.  There is no purpose (not even to understand and engage, so there truly is NO purpose except this moment's act of listening) - what happens then?  There will first probably be no inspiration to rush in to say anything to the other by way of advice or opinions or thoughts or comments or suggestions.

When can there be no other agenda except that of listening?  There actually seems to be no sphere of everyday human functioning where this listening is happening consciously.  There are of course special circumstances when this may be taking place (or at least the intention for this type of listening is present).  One obvious circumstance is that of counseling and psychotherapy besides other specific groups and spaces which may be looking at such a way of engagement, perhaps as part of a larger exploration of living meaningfully.

So when can there be no motivation to change the other through advice and comments and reactions and responses?  For if we examine with care, we will see that all our advice to others is almost always in the realm of changing and reforming the other.  We want to change them such that they can see the light, the same as we are.  The way they are seeing it and / or not seeing it, and / or seeing darkness, and / or something else entirely, are situations somehow not acceptable to us.  And it is not acceptable to us, because each of us have our frames of reference and contexts that we think from, and have already decided that our ways of thinking and doing are right and the other wrong and thus pass judgment and give labels.  I am also acutely aware that there is a huge jump in the earlier sentence and there are a lot of steps to be taken before we get to this point in the inquiry.  Also, the passing of judgment is not necessarily with vicious intent or even emphatically stated; it is part of the conditioning that we pick up and internalise consciously and unconsciously through culture, society, our parents first, then extended family, teachers, friends, and so on. For instance, "Don't cry like a girl" is an oft repeated statement, and this may be defended by saying that it is just a casual comment and / or said lightheartedly. However, we need to stay with the statement and see why it is even there. This is simply one example of how judgments are present in everything we choose to think, do, not think, not do and so on.  An important aspect to consider is that these insidious judgments are turned on ourselves also - that is, when I have a judgment about another person, it is for sure that I have that judgment on myself.  And this will work in such hidden ways and manifest as convoluted knots that would leave one stupefied and sometimes wondering, "What the hell was I thinking, doing such and such a thing?!".   To give a simplistic example, if I carried the above judgment, "dont cry like a girl", I may then be someone who would hate to cry . And hence, every time I feel like crying I would judge myself to be a wimp (just like a girl - a whammy there: crying is wrong / wimpy, girls cry, girls are wrong / wimpy), and try to suppress it. Either I succeed in suppressing it all the time, and like a pressure cooker, its going to burst some place some time, or, I may end up punishing myself covertly and unconsciously each time I cry or want to cry, or do both, suppress and punish*.  It could go further: the earlier sequence of thinking may not end with 'girls are wimpy', but take a jump and say 'boys are not wimpy'.  This may manifest in a girl being / behaving like, a "tomboy" for instance.  We will not go further with all the implications of this one judgment.

However, the above was to see how our judgments are playing all the time when we are supposedly listening to someone else^.  Much of our listening to the other, happens with this clamour going on inside our heads.  And each time we offer a piece of advice, interrupt with a solution, give a shout of appreciation and so on, we may very well be answering to the clamour inside rather than engaging with the person in front of us.

I also think that this entire self-feeding cycle of having so much to say, and listening but not listening has its beginning and roots in our childhood.  How many of us listen to children in this manner, without imposing our selves on them? Much of society and cultures see children as clay to be moulded and trained in particular ways.  If we were to listen to children without the clamour inside, that in itself would be demonstration enough for them, one would think.  Many of us are still the children that we were, wanting to be listened to fully.  So this takes us back to the question, when and how can we listen to the other without this motivation to change the other, from a space of no judgment?

For me, this practice starts with my earlier question about listening without imposing my self.  All the clamour inside is part of my self.  How can I allow the noises of my self to subside and make room for the sounds coming from the other, so that I can truly listen to them? That is the practice**.   I also see that it is not possible to force the self-noise into silence.  There is another piece that speaks of how training and controlling is a cruder form of disciplining that has its limited context and necessity.  One could follow a more meaningful form of self discipline, wherein, the disciplining is a journey of self discovery** and we discover the patterns of our judgments and understand our selves better. And that journey of discovery is also the journey of transformation.  And also the journey of truly listening, and discovering the other - because in a paradoxical way, the journey of self discovery allows the self (noise) to dissipate, giving us a chance to recognise the other, and perhaps also see that the other is not different from the self.

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* That many of us ("normal", mentally stable persons) punish ourselves for many of our perceived mistakes and judgments and so on is a known psychological phenomenon, and there are several studies on self-punishment.

^ To look at this matter as one's judgments interfering with true listening is one perspective, one view of the scene.  There would be other ways definitely; other views of the same scene.

** This is also the practice and journeying in the path of Yoga

What is Self Discipline

Self discipline is mostly defined as the ability to control oneself, wherein the 'oneself' takes its myriad shapes and forms, depending on who is saying it and the context - control feelings, control senses, controlling distractions and so on.  This is one level of truth; controlling these manifestations of the self does lead to some sort of a discipline in functioning.

What is discipline? It is defined in the crudest way possible as training to obey, through punishment and / or penitence.  This is one level of truth; most systems and spaces use this for maintaining law and order and agreed that this is necessary.  Penitence of course falls squarely in the space of self disciplining.

However, I see that control (controlling of the self) and training and punishment (towards disciplining) can only go so far and no more.  These meanings and actions can be used for immediate and urgent purposes and in not-stable states of being, however to continue with them as the standard for all times can only bring disaster. For, this brings in control and training from an external source in order to establish right action, and this is necessary in difficult times.  But this in no way ensures that transformation has occurred within and the inappropriate action will not be repeated.  Penitence, insofar as it is regret is fine and can be translated to action, but penitence as guilt is a non-starter and leads to a destructive cycle of self blame, judgment, negative labeling and non-action.

Following this meaning and context of self discipline all the time will actually defeat itself in the long run.  Training to control could be like training a dog or a horse and I can only visualise the animal straining at the leash, hurting itself, its throat.  Over time, the leash will fray; at some point the animal may turn and attack the trainer.  Gradually the animal may get trained to obey by way of punishment (and reward).  There is no question here of self thought, discovery and understanding*.  We do the same to ourselves.  We are our own puppets.  In this space and path of self discipline, we manipulate and destroy ourselves.  That self is becoming more and more contorted and twisted.

Photo taken at Nirkunram Campers near Chengalpet

A higher form of discipline takes off from the word, 'disciple', from being a disciple.  A disciple is a follower, devoted to something or someone.  In being a disciple, he thinks some thoughts, does not think others, follows some practices, eschews practices that does not help her in being a disciple and so on.  And hence he / she is on the path of discipline.  Does he / she slip?  Of course, yes.  He may indulge for a while in a practice that does not help the disciple in him.  She may not actively take up actions that are required for her to be a wholesome disciple.  But the context and framework for the self discipline is clear.

So, disciplining arises from a purpose.  Taken this way, I sometimes feel that all disciplining can only be self disciplining - be it any entity, an individual, a village, an organisation, a campaign... "What is that purpose?" that disciplining is arising from, is of course an entire domain of its own and worth an independent inquiry and space.

What will happen in this kind of disciplining is that, 'discipline' is removed from its shackles of being a station that one has to get off at, and becomes a journey of self discovery and understanding.  On this journey, the self is understood better and better, deeper:  Why are there some fears?  When is it that one is courageous?  When does one feel sad? When, happy? How does one act with others? Why do I think in a particular way? What makes one feel energetic? What makes me follow the path of discipline... and so on and so forth.

And then, when the patterns of the self start getting clearer and clearer, the road of discipline also gets sparkling clear ahead of oneself.  And this may include moments of a cruder form of self discipline, may include times of indulgence or violation and so on, however one can be back on the road, or perhaps is still on it and playing hooky. There is then the process of penitence and prayaschittam, in their higher forms, all in the path of self discovery (disciplining).

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*  It of course is an assumption that one actually wants all that in the first place - authentic thought, discovery and understanding; however we are looking at a meaning of self discipline that will sustain, and that sustenance includes these ideas.

The Point of an Oxymoron

The title of this blog is an oxymoron, "Precise Ramblings". We come across oxymorons all the time, and may not even notice them, and / or take them for granted as part of everyday language, ordinary.  Well, they are and they are not.

Original copy... pretty ugly... minor issues... clearly misunderstood.... crash landing .... found missing .... old news .... open secret... random order!

The first time I came across the idea of an oxymoron was sometime in my 7th or 8th grade, and it fascinated me no end.  I don't remember the actual oxymoron, however I remember the sense of sudden joy and the burst of feeling every time I encountered an oxymoron or came up with one myself.  I still carry that feeling.

Image from soulspartan.com

At the time, it was explained to us in our English class as a phrase that has two opposite or contradictory statements put together, which gives insightful and / or humourous and / or ironic meaning.  Yes, oxymorons lend themselves to a clever turn in language, and leave us with a laugh or a gleam.  However, why should that clever turn in language give the reader his or her keen response? What quality in those words evokes its usual responses?  The turn is not one of language alone.

The oxymoron is not simply a phrase or a word that ends when the word ends on the page.  It is an ongoing phenomenon.  The point of an oxymoron is simultaneity.  It is only by holding together two seemingly contradictory truths, at the same time, the third truth is constantly discovered.

To give an example,
one way in which Ahimsa is defined is "to know one's limits", however, one needs to constantly test those limits to actually know them. Therein lies the paradox of Ahimsa.  The writer-philosopher, Chaturvedi Badrinath says of this: "the paradox of limits, which consists in the fact that one becomes aware of one's limits only by transgressing them; there is no known way by which one can know one's limits in advance."  Which for me means that the oxymoron is a constant process and discovery.  Like life.  It cannot be a stinking, one-point stagnation. We can of course in our limitation think, believe and act like it is so, while life itself is a constant affirmation of its flow.  It is a flow of simultaneously holding two seemingly contradictory movements, and in seeing them together, at the same time, the third, deeper and larger truth can be held.

A simultaneous holding and being in that space of tension between the two, and finding the truth therein.  How can some words strung together be precise and ramble at the same time? What are those truths when discussed allow my words the freedom and flexibility to meander and twist and turn and yet stay constant and focused?  Why is it important for me to be precise and ramble at the same time?  When do those A-ha! moments* occur, holding both together and creating art? The space and journey of this oxymoron, Precise Ramblings.
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* Many thanks to one of my teachers, Sashi Anant, for this bang-on phrase, "A-ha moment"

Yes, Mother Earth

Yes, I think that it is essential today that we (humans) include the impact of every decision and action of ours on the Earth, her environment and beings other than ourselves as well, as a non-negotiable factor.

Yes, All usage and making of polythene bags must be stopped, even if it makes life inconvenient

Yes, I always carry a cloth and / or paper bags with me

Yes, I more often than not talk to vendors and shop keepers about the nature of plastic and the importance of biodegradable material

Yes, these days many of them listen patiently and courteously and sometimes shrug helplessly and at other times enter into a conversation

Yes, I have at last started working with the soil and getting my hands dirty

Yes, I believe that every human being must do the above for some duration of their lives, if not the whole of it

Yes, children learn a LOT by tending to plants (nurseries, saplings...) and the soil

Yes, animals, birds, insects and plants are as intelligent, if not more, as human beings

Image from FB group "attn:"

Yes, we must buy as local as possible and without plastic packaging whenever possible

Yes, I mostly buy organic foods and produce

Yes, there is an issue that much of organic foods come in plastic packaging

Yes, we must reduce what we waste and what we throw away

Yes, I try and reduce, reuse, and recycle and also repair (or get repaired!) wherever and whenever possible (there is a much longer "re" list)

Yes, we live and act in a world of contradictions - an obvious one for now being that I bring to you this post using technology that has been made displacing people, gouging out the Earth, and using other such unsustainable and violent ways

Yes, I used cloth diapers for my daughter, both home-made (old sarees and dhotis) as well as commercial (bum-genius and so on) most of the time (70% approx*)

Yes, I have at last almost fully converted to using re-usable menstrual pads for 6 months or so now (90% of the times approx)**

yes, we must all cultivate the music of friendly, and inclusive conversations and dialogue, and reduce the noise of fight-or-flight reactions and finding fault with oneself and others and excessive consumption

Yes, it is possible for all, for Mother earth to discover the abundance and prosperities within us

Yes, I believe and see the traditional wisdom that we (humans) are one and whole parts of Mother Earth, this creation, rather than intelligent, superior beings born to utilise this Earth and her resources

Yes, Mother Earth offers all that she is and has, out of the order of being, and compassion

Yes, humankind mistakenly perceives the above to be commodities and puts prices on all of them

Yes, I believe that we must exchange goods and services wherever, whenever possible and reduce the use of paper / metal currency

Yes, there is so much beauty in Nature

Yes, there is everything to learn from Nature (and being outdoors)

Yes, there is so much logic, order and symmetry in the ways and being of Mother Earth

Yes, it is important to give attention to what we eat, feel the texture, the flavours, smells and colours of what we are eating

Yes, I have hugged trees many times

Yes, please go do it (hug a tree, that it, or many of them). Feel the coarse bark, breathe in the tree's scent, drink in the sight of this ecology, and wonder at her mystery

Yes, love makes Mother Earth go round (listen to Madonna's song, 'Love makes the world go round')

Yes, I am sure this is just a starter list and there could be a zillion more yeses for and with Mother Earth

Yes, I challenge you to add your own and commit

The above random Yes-list held together by a commitment to treading softly on our Earth, was inspired by a post that had a 'No-list'.
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*, ** : These figures are based on my subjective reading of the situations

One Breath at a Time

A popular cafe chain advertises saying, a lot can happen over a cup of coffee.  Much, much

Image from sentimetalico.blogspot.com

 more can happen in the space of one breath.  Think why: when one is angry or agitated or stressing big time about something, one of the first instructions given is: "Take a deep breath." And a yoga teacher may follow it up by saying, "now, release it s-l-o-w-l-y, feel it leaving your body and empty yourself completely, now pause." 

What happens when you take a deep breath? 

Normally, we are not even aware of breathing.  We go through the days and activities, mostly breathing unconsciously.  It is only in not-normal or not-collected situations that one becomes aware of one's breath - dashing madly to catch the train, surprise or shock, occasionally even while excited about something.  These are the times when there is an adrenaline rush in the body and the breath starts coming faster. Imagine, the heart has to start beating fast and our lungs have to work overtime in order for us to take note; we are in such a race, chasing after all the good things that life has to offer.  The breaths hasten and trip over each other and lessen life span and quality. It is a known and understood fact that creatures with slower breath rates live longer. The elephant, for example. Dogs on the other hand huff and puff and pant and have a much shorter life span.  The respiration rate is also connected to heart rate and health.  Shorter, quicker breaths usually means that the respiratory process would not be supplying oxygen in a steady and consistent manner to the heart.  As a result, the heart muscle would be pumping extra in order to distribute the not-steady and not-consistent supply of oxygen and get enough of it to the other muscles in the body.  This definitely has a negative impact over oxygen intake and health of the heart, thus robbing the body of strength and vitality.  It is obvious that this would be followed by reduction in quality of functioning in more ways than merely in physical health.  It may just not be directly evident that the decreased quality of life is because of the way one is breathing. 

However, the opposite is evident - that better breathing, meaning slower and deeper breathing, definitely and tangibly increases well-being and quality of life.  Anybody who has been on a correct aasana-praanayama routine (by correct I mean, movement with the right breathing) for a few months even intermittently, will agree with the previous statement even if it is with some hesitation or doubt. Given a couple of years of consistent practice, he / she will emphasise the connection of breath to quality of life.  

Indian tradition calculates a being's life span by the number of breaths and this can be done by taking into account the respiratory rate. Our ancients say that the person is given her number of breaths even when she is born.  This means that one's life span can actually be stretched - by increasing the length of breath.  And this is also perhaps why popular idiom in Indian culture has statements like, "you gave me such a scare and have taken away 10 years of my life."  A scare would mean adrenaline and breath coming in gasps.  

So, how does one actually do this, increase one's life span and quality of life?
One breath at a time. 

Imagine you have to take just this one breath now, this breath will save your life. As you inhale slowly, your lungs and hence chest expands, the diaphragm is pushed down, and you feel the energy nourishing your body.  Then you start emptying your body of air, right from your stomach.  The abdomen gets pulled in and the diaphragm moves up again.  Your body slowly exhales and once you empty completely, you pause. You feel the lightness and the unhurriedness.  Just one breath at one time.  You can move to the next by and by.  The following will happen when you continue doing the same: 

- Your breathing will slow down (obviously!) 

- Your heart rate will slow down

- Your breathing and heart beat will discover your natural, free rhythm - the one that will feed a consistent and steady supply of oxygen to the body

- As you keep at it, YOU will slow down

- You will find your fight or flight reaction fading away gradually, and your free, natural responsive (responsible) self taking over, in time 

- The more you are able to respond, more you will breathe right, hence creating a positive and regenerative cycle of action 

And so, when you take that one deep breath, you will feel the essence of the space and quality of one breath and you will catch a glimpse of the process it would unfold.  And then, you may (could) continue practicing, one breath at a time. 

Sthirasukhamaasanam, the Magic of the Breath

Sthirasukhamaasanam - II.46, Yoga Sutra

Aasana (seat / posture) is that which is replete with well-being and stability. 

This statement from Patanjali's Yoga Sutra demonstrated itself recently and allowed me a 'profound' experience in a 'mundane' context. The experience yet again removed one of these divisions that we impose on our understanding for convenience - that of phenomena being either profound or mundane.  The profound is to be found in the mundane, and the mundane, in the profound. 

 My daughter and I were traveling in a suburban bus and it was a 2 and 1/2 hour ride. And what a ride it was!  We didn't get seats and the only available were behind the driver right up in the front.  This was one of those Volvo buses where the driver's space is a compartment by itself and the seat behind the driver is almost on top of him. As you may be able to gauge from the picture, it is an extremely precarious position - or at least it surely felt like it to me! With an infant to carry, even more so. You are looking down on a zooming road, vehicles hurtling at you (in your face) at godforsaken speeds, perched on a seat which doesn't want you. The dubious comfort of holding onto something stable (although what is stable about a stampeding huge contraption on the ECR is beyond me) is denied you because both your hands are somehow tied up with securing your child to yourself.  She needs to sleep; this is necessary if you want to ensure that the rest of the day passes in comfort for her and you and other poor, unsuspecting souls around.  And your child particularly needs a good amount of comfort to fall asleep and stay in sleepyland for a while.  I thought kids came possessing the secret knowledge to dozing off in any awkward, bizarre position; this one missed those lessons.  

We have here a situation worthy of Adisesha, the thousand-headed snake holding the Lord as he rests. The story goes that sage Patanjali (who gave us the Yoga sutra) is the incarnation of Adisesha.  While discussing this sutra, sthirasukhamaasanam, one of my teachers, an ardent fan of Patanjali, asked me to consider: "Who is the enemy of the snake? The eagle.  And who is the eagle hovering around Vishnu? Garuda.  So Adisesha had to feel and be sthiram (stable) and sukham (comfortable) while Garuda is around."  He is holding the Lord; he doesn't want to be shifting around to get rid of pins and needles.  He also does not want to make one wrong move, lest the eagle swoops.  Absolute stillness under fire.  One's aasanam to be called thus, has got to be sthiram and sukham not simply in favourable conditions; it's got to be so in the most seemingly 'unfavourable' situations. 

I struggled around awkwardly for a while, adjusting bags, trying to hold onto something, shifting my daughter in my arms to get her comfortable, with her protesting about the movement.  Then the bus lurched. Almost falling, I steadied myself and happened to look up at the road.  Two things happened simultaneously at that moment.  I saw the whizzing scenery in front of me and felt the thrill, the adrenaline rush of danger, and also caught sight of a woman in the driver's rear view mirror.  She was holding a baby, and I said, "Hey, that's a yoga teacher I know!"  The world shifted on its axis, and I exhaled slowly, and long, feeling it in my throat (as how one does while doing aasana practice).*  Then, an inhale. Another long exhale.  A few more such breaths.  With that, my body's intelligence took over.  Without thought, just like that, my body changed my position, I adjusted my legs so that they don't hang, held my daughter securely allowing her to merge more into my space, turned slightly and leaned against the window, all in a graceful flash of a moment (at least, I felt graceful).  

See picture alongside, for the changed position, not to see a graceful curve, or lack of it thereof.  Incidentally, this position also had more butt-space, the comfort of which was infinite.  We seldom are conscious and thankful of it when we usually sit on comfortable, full-butt spaces, are we? I think Thich Nath Hanh called it, to be aware of the non-tooth ache feeling.  

Now with every breath, the space of "aasanam" was welcoming me into it and enfolding me more and more.  The bus twisted and tottered and teetered, the breath held the world steady.  My heart now rat-a-tatted in a peaceful rhythm, and my daughter sighed as she burrowed deeper into sleep.  I was at the same time, quite still all over, and also intensely alive and aware to the scenes and smells streaking past, in slow motion.  I became very aware of the people around, and started judging correctly how the bus was going to move next by looking at the driver's subtle movements (his hands, where he looked, in which direction and how his body inclined as he drove etc).  My  entire being simply, constantly re-adjusted itself to the changes such that it can allow my daughter to be comfortable.  So the body actually felt like a bean bag, completely giving in and squished and relaxed to accommodate the sleeping child and yet alert (even joyous) to the vagaries of the bus and the road, maintaining stillness. The breath kept working it's magic.   

Eventually, my daughter woke up, and we both thoroughly enjoyed the sights and sounds offered to us, ate some idlis and got off at our stop happily.  

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* The shift that happened in that split second in the recognition of the yoga teacher is worthy of an independent inquiry and is not within the scope of this piece

The Gamut of Human Experience

the wonder of a rainbow;

the joy of kittens playing;

the intensity of a forest fire;

the achievement of reaching a milestone;

stepping into squeamish quagmire,

the fear of death.

an inexplicable, spontaneous connection;

mother earth's compassion;

the stillness of a mountain lake... 

What is the difference between Imagination and fantasy

Someone asked me this question during a discussion on visualisation and fantasising. It is not a matter of the difference between them.

Patanjali's Yoga sutra states:

shabdajnananupati vastusunyo vikalpaha - verse 1.9
Our minds can imagine things that do not exist in actuality.

The Yoga sutra mentions imagination as a movement (function) of the mind, along with four others. Inventions, fantasies, artistic creations - all are in this realm.  Imagination - it is such a powerful ability.  Children have it in abundance, and it allows them to be so creative and malleable to learning. It is the power of imagination which allows us much (if not all) of art, of innovation, invention, visualisation...

The imaginative capacity is a necessary one for human existence and endeavour. However, what happens when imagination becomes a compulsion?  By compulsion here, I mean getting carried away with one's imagination.  Anything not in one's control is compulsion.  For example, TV watching is a compulsion with many today.  What usually starts as an escapism or a coping mechanism for stress gradually takes over one's life as a compulsion.  Or when any single attribute of life and living is given undue attention over others, the balance tilts and this may become a compulsion.  Like in the case of imaginative capacity and compulsive imagination. The former is necessary and the latter is a sure path to disaster.

Image from prits-dreams.blogspot.com

We see this phenomenon played out in the lives of artists and creative people again and again in various ways and at different levels of intensity and impact.  As long as it remains an imaginative capacity, it remains under the artists' control, and once it moves into the domain of compulsion, it controls the artist.  This seems to be an edge that artists dance on and around.  One side is imagination and the other side, compulsion - getting lost in one's imagination.  Every creative person seems to be walking or tottering or dancing or playing with this edge. For example, the performer on stage hopping between illusion and reality.  We see this happening with some extremely creative people, over time they are lost to the world of reality.  Artists (I use the word 'artist' for people who are in touch* with their imaginative capacity) have to necessarily work with this edge, whether they are conscious of it or not. In fact, not being aware of it, an artist drowns in compulsion.

As long as one remains on that edge, creativity seems to be one's lover.  Staying on that edge welcomes creativity.  Staying on that edge means not getting carried away and lost in one's imagination.  What does it mean to stay on that edge? How to stay with that line?  By taking the apavarga** location, the location of attention and watchfulness. Staying on that line means the artist can actually step back and watch her own performance. And dance the dance.  Not being able to observe would mean that over time, the artist would (may) tip over into compulsive patterns and behaviour and this can lead to madness of some sort.

Image from civasakthi.blogspot.com

Yoga is about discovering that observer location within oneself.  And with diligent and constant practice, that line or edge may actually expand, become an all-inclusive seamless expanse, simply space, where Nataraja would dance his cosmic dance, Saraswathi would play her Veena, Parvati or Nandi on the mridangam, Vishnu could be playing a flute or cymbals... and all life could be a dancing of Ananda Tandava.


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* I say "in touch" because I think that every being in creation has an inherent capacity to imagine and create; Patanjali has stated it as one of the fundamental categories for the mind's movements. It is simply that some are more in touch with it than others.

** 'Apavargam' is a location of observation, inquiry and learning of the seeker / student / learner and one that would lend clarity and understanding, as juxtaposed with 'bhogam', which is a location of being stuck in the old comfortable patterns of seeking pleasure and avoiding pain.

What is Yoga?

A friend asked me to write a simple essay on "what is yoga?", 'simple' being the keyword. The following is an attempt:

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Today Yoga has come to mean many different things to many people.  It is a vast ocean that contains a plethora of different schools and styles of teaching.  The good news is that each of them seems to work and deliver results, for those who patronise them.  It is probable that there is so much tamas (lethargy) pervading all aspects of human life in these times - our lifestyles, the food that we consume, occupations, our recreation, that, when the body starts to move even a little bit, and we stretch hitherto unfelt muscles, and give ourselves that bit of quiet time and space, then no matter what Yoga we choose to call it, our bodies and minds seem to say “thank you” and sink into it.  

However, what is Yoga really?  Is Yoga only a set of aasanas and praanayaama (PY) breathing techniques to improve health?  Is one school of Yoga teaching a different Yoga from the other?  Is Yoga primarily to improve physical health, and thereby better the quality of life?

Let’s park these general questions for a bit and come to you and me.  What is Yoga to you?  What are your aspirations in life?  Do you want to be happy?  What does being successful mean to you?  Are you pursuing a passion with everything in you?  What is your purpose?  Do you feel that you need a purpose?  Are you in search of one?

Let me tell you a story.

The Breath Shoots the Arrow

Archery is a very ancient sport.  In Japan it is still practiced as an art very much in the same way as it was done many years ago.  The most important practice in this art is breathing.  One holds the big bow, notches the arrow, and bends the bow during the inhalation, holds the breath and waits calmly for the "perfect moment" when the arrow "shoots itself" and the breath comes out slowly.  The perfect shot is the one where the archer's breath is smooth and easy and his body shows no sign of strain throughout the shooting.  It took the archer years of practice before he could coordinate the breath with the shooting so that the whole movement was tranquil.  (- Raghu Anantanarayanan, Learning Through Yoga, Published by Krishnamacharya Yoga Mandiram, Chennai)

A sutra in Patanjali’s Yoga Sutra states this as,    

                Prayathnashaithilya anantasamaapatthibhyaam | II.47

                Mindful action flows with effortless ease

Have you noticed the phenomenon that you would have been searching frantically for something, and you wouldn’t find it; you would find it at some other time when you were making no effort to search for it?  Effortless effort.  That is Yoga.

Yoga is to do with one’s entire life, and every thought, feeling and action in it. 

It is to do with our relationships with ourselves and the world. 

It is to do with how your breath changes when you get angry.

It is to do with how your voice softens and the lines of your body flow when you talk to a loved one.

It is to do with how weak or energetic your body feels at the end of the day. 

And more.

There is an outer self that is engaging with the world and its problems, with life, constantly.  This self is getting hit, hurt, falling, struggling, feeling happy, sad, jealous, and so on.  There is another self that resides in your inner space, watching all the drama of life.  This is the anchored and coherent self that is able to watch and listen, and provide the space for the external self to act intelligently.  If we allow it to. People catch glimpses of it or are made aware of it all the time. 

An artist may tap into that self inspired by nature, and create works of brilliance. 

A tragedy may open the lock for an ordinary person and enable her to act with spontaneous intelligence and empathy. 

Laughter and play with an infant may dissolve all residues of fears and insecurities for those precious moments, leaving a mother crystal clear to reflect her child. 

This inner self just observes, and is vibrant and wise simply on the strength of that non-judgmental observation.  When one becomes alive to deeper and deeper levels of this self and space, outward action is gathered, coherent and intelligent. 

Becoming alive to that inner self every moment, is Yoga.  Hence Yoga is not an end, but a journey, a process.  So where does aasana and praanayaama come into this?  It could be a start.  For, the physical body is one of the primary indicators of overall wellbeing.  And working with the breath is key to this process.  The breath is the subtle connection between the mind and body and through the breath each works on the other.  Why do we say “take a deep breath” to someone who is agitated?  A lot can begin to happen in that space of one breath.  And that "lot" can be the start of true yoga practice.  

Words Also Hide Truth

A corollary to an earlier piece on words and writing.

(The earlier piece talks about how words are both my strength and weakness, and in not nourishing the strength I have let the weakness grow)

Further into the way words are being a paradox in my life, even while being in the pursuit of truth and writing it, I also use a lot of words to hide unpleasant truths first from myself and hence perhaps from the other as well.  I have not done this consciously and not all the time, and it cannot somehow fall in the category of lying, but words become a coping mechanism many times to deal with life events and situations that one does not feel capable of handling. And this has been happening at a very metal level.  I also realise that I have seen this phenomenon in the other and criticised it and so on and thus intellectualised the whole matter for myself.

I also see that often when there is clarity and truth, words are fewer and sharper and flowing.  Mostly, a poem comes out of me.  How insightful are the words of Chaturvedi Badrinath: "the paradox of language is that silence is its highest function."  

"Work is Love Made Visible" - Khalil Gibran

It has always been so "nice" to hear this above quote (and others) of Khalil Gibran.  However I realised that I now wanted tangibility.  How is work love made visible? This had become especially important because I had seen how much of a struggle working has been for me.  Why have I not been able to work at all? I had always seemed to be bogged down by "externals", "logistics", what I think of as my incapacities - all of this had seemed to stop me from working, from being able to work. 

How is work love made visible? Love for what? I really wanted to work, but it had not been happening.  By work I mean any or all kinds of work, domestic, social, the work that I had chosen for myself as part of my career. Some one or more parts would be frozen over at any given point in time.  Much more than anything else, the official work had been stagnating. Because a home means dependents, the household had to be run; there is no question of stopping there, however that could also become mechanical in a not-vibrant state of being.  

So my thoughts of incapacities and fear of failure held me frozen.  How can I work like I wanted, knowing I may fail, knowing that I don't know enough to work? There had been a layer of excuses and reasons on the surface which had to be peeled off before reaching this question.  The top layer was made up of issues around the externals like operational problems, issues with coworkers, ups and downs of balancing multiple roles of life and so on.  It took a while before getting to the hidden fear of failure and thoughts of inadequacy.  This was a layer of truth that again had to be peeled off to reveal deeper truths. 

Between that first question, "How is work love made visible?" and the other questions centered around oneself, "How can I work knowing I may fail?" etc, lies the favourite theme of writer-philosopher Chaturvedi Badrinath.  A theme that recurs in much of his expression, and now I see why.  There is a struggle between those 2 questions.  Because each question is in a different language altogether.  One is that of history, and the other, that of transcendence.  The voice that tells me I have all these limitations is the language of my history and experience - the voice of my thought-belief-perception self.  The other voice and language is that of transcendence.  Of that inner being, inner self that is watching all the drama of life.  That inner self which is love, which is oneness of all creation. 

Which voice am I aligning myself with at any given moment?  This seems to be a quintessential human struggle.  Each has its gifts and consequences.  I had always said, "Of course, I really want to work". I want to align myself with this deeper, inner self of which I have glimpses and flashes when there is clarity, when the inner space seems to be lighted. That was intention.  But what of action?  Why had it never flowed through and manifested in action?  The question here for me was, why do I want to align myself with that inner voice, and why do I want to work? Because I want to be productive, I want to be efficient, I want to be able to write the truth, every single day, I want, I want... And with this want, my mind has quietly aligned itself with the voice of the limited self.  This is self-love.  And I don't mean this in a judgmental way.  It is self-love in that I am in love with my own perceptions; taken with my perceptions of the end results of a love being made visible through work, for example. Some toys and sweets and savouries that I will be able to get from the Mela at the end of the walk.  If I am actually present there with that end in my head, it pulls me deeper into self-love.  I am struck by fear, what if I don't get those toys there in the Mela? Maybe I should see what route others are taking, then I will go to the correct Mela.  This then leads to mental paralysis, and of course paralysis of action.  In being stuck in this self-love, there is no Yoga.  There is no flowing of that inner being, love.  With that sudden sight into the struggle, the message of the Bhagavad Gita, which we have made into a platitude - "dont think of the fruits, only put in your best work" takes on such meaning and significance. 

In Yoga, that inner self flows.  And I, the actor in the drama of life, completely align myself with that flow, and allow it to make of me what it does; allow it to season me.  This feels suspiciously like surrender to me.  Funnily enough, I felt that I have been reflecting on self-effort.  What is this paradox? It perhaps is both at the same time? And life goes on.  The stage is set.  The actor is out there and in here at the same time.  And I realise that the question, which voice am I aligning myself with at any given moment?, is not an either-or question that has a one-time solution.  It then becomes a constant and on-going conversation that I engage with at every step, and that is Yoga. And this ongoing dialogue also gives one spaces and possibilities to travel back and forth between those two languages, to straddle both and, their paradoxical nature notwithstanding, take even concrete steps with seemingly abstract ideas - faith, taking responsibility, action despite / with fear and any number of ways as there are beings.  Then what begins to happen is work manifesting as a consequence of the greater self, greater love.