Well, maybe not so little. There were these three words that I remember my mother saying to me all the time when I was young. Like way back, even when I was in 3rd standard; I say 3rd standard because I remember hearing these words from then. I dont remember earlier. And no, they are not " I love you"!They are "Use your discretion"! I thank her from the bottom of my heart today, for saying them to me as often as she did. Although I don't know where she came from (from what perspective or why) when she replied with this phrase to my questions, but I realise how much it had empowered me and in such a dignified way. Even as all my friends save one, were being given step by step instructions on every action of theirs, even as they had to obey commands and strategise persuasion before asking permissions, here I was, being given "use your discretion".
Discretion, I find, is quite the word. While it means the freedom to decide what should be done in a particular situation, it also means behaving or conducting oneself in such a manner so as not to cause hurt. This does pack a punch for me. It seems to be holding two states of being that could come in conflict with each other. And somehow, even as my mother said her trademark phrase to me, she conveyed the nature of this being to me. I dont know how though, but I do know that whenever she told me to use my discretion, while she communicated to me "freedom of choice", she also communicated, "Right Action". I remember this as one of the highlights of my student years.
And today, I realised that in all my actions I unconsciously have this phrase with me. Even when I make a mistake, many times when I have been too hasty to stop and consider and the mistake is done, even then, somewhere inside, this phrase "use your discretion" would be flashing a signal. I want to ask my mother today how she managed to communicate this, especially now when I am with my 3 and 1/2 year old daughter, and stopping myself from giving instructions time and again, and trying to allow her to find her space of discretion. This space carries for me, what we call "Dharmasankata" in Yoga. Wherein the choice is not between 'right' and 'wrong'. Discretion is a space that has two equally determining forces pulling me. One is to manifest one's uniqueness, individuality, what one believes / knows to be true, follow one's heart - all of this is in the realm of one force. The other is to do the right thing - in my head, I would like to say it is the Buddhist right action. And 'using my discretion' can happen when these two statements are true at the same time.
I somehow got up this morning with this phrase and it has been a constant channel of reflection since then. It may and may not be coincidental that today is being celebrated as Mother's Day. I decided I have to write about it when I realised what was today, and in this small way celebrate my mother and motherhood.
