Of Listening and Self Discipline

This is a corollary and continuation to the Introduction of this blog.  To summarise the introduction: everybody wants to have their say, and the vast ocean of personal blogs in the world wide web seems to be expressing the same desire; however, who is truly listening, to understand and engage in a meaningful way?

Let's go further now, and ask, what if one was truly listening, just to listen?  Listening for the purpose of listening.  What does that mean?  That there is no agenda or purpose for the listening, save for that of listening.  There is no purpose (not even to understand and engage, so there truly is NO purpose except this moment's act of listening) - what happens then?  There will first probably be no inspiration to rush in to say anything to the other by way of advice or opinions or thoughts or comments or suggestions.

When can there be no other agenda except that of listening?  There actually seems to be no sphere of everyday human functioning where this listening is happening consciously.  There are of course special circumstances when this may be taking place (or at least the intention for this type of listening is present).  One obvious circumstance is that of counseling and psychotherapy besides other specific groups and spaces which may be looking at such a way of engagement, perhaps as part of a larger exploration of living meaningfully.

So when can there be no motivation to change the other through advice and comments and reactions and responses?  For if we examine with care, we will see that all our advice to others is almost always in the realm of changing and reforming the other.  We want to change them such that they can see the light, the same as we are.  The way they are seeing it and / or not seeing it, and / or seeing darkness, and / or something else entirely, are situations somehow not acceptable to us.  And it is not acceptable to us, because each of us have our frames of reference and contexts that we think from, and have already decided that our ways of thinking and doing are right and the other wrong and thus pass judgment and give labels.  I am also acutely aware that there is a huge jump in the earlier sentence and there are a lot of steps to be taken before we get to this point in the inquiry.  Also, the passing of judgment is not necessarily with vicious intent or even emphatically stated; it is part of the conditioning that we pick up and internalise consciously and unconsciously through culture, society, our parents first, then extended family, teachers, friends, and so on. For instance, "Don't cry like a girl" is an oft repeated statement, and this may be defended by saying that it is just a casual comment and / or said lightheartedly. However, we need to stay with the statement and see why it is even there. This is simply one example of how judgments are present in everything we choose to think, do, not think, not do and so on.  An important aspect to consider is that these insidious judgments are turned on ourselves also - that is, when I have a judgment about another person, it is for sure that I have that judgment on myself.  And this will work in such hidden ways and manifest as convoluted knots that would leave one stupefied and sometimes wondering, "What the hell was I thinking, doing such and such a thing?!".   To give a simplistic example, if I carried the above judgment, "dont cry like a girl", I may then be someone who would hate to cry . And hence, every time I feel like crying I would judge myself to be a wimp (just like a girl - a whammy there: crying is wrong / wimpy, girls cry, girls are wrong / wimpy), and try to suppress it. Either I succeed in suppressing it all the time, and like a pressure cooker, its going to burst some place some time, or, I may end up punishing myself covertly and unconsciously each time I cry or want to cry, or do both, suppress and punish*.  It could go further: the earlier sequence of thinking may not end with 'girls are wimpy', but take a jump and say 'boys are not wimpy'.  This may manifest in a girl being / behaving like, a "tomboy" for instance.  We will not go further with all the implications of this one judgment.

However, the above was to see how our judgments are playing all the time when we are supposedly listening to someone else^.  Much of our listening to the other, happens with this clamour going on inside our heads.  And each time we offer a piece of advice, interrupt with a solution, give a shout of appreciation and so on, we may very well be answering to the clamour inside rather than engaging with the person in front of us.

I also think that this entire self-feeding cycle of having so much to say, and listening but not listening has its beginning and roots in our childhood.  How many of us listen to children in this manner, without imposing our selves on them? Much of society and cultures see children as clay to be moulded and trained in particular ways.  If we were to listen to children without the clamour inside, that in itself would be demonstration enough for them, one would think.  Many of us are still the children that we were, wanting to be listened to fully.  So this takes us back to the question, when and how can we listen to the other without this motivation to change the other, from a space of no judgment?

For me, this practice starts with my earlier question about listening without imposing my self.  All the clamour inside is part of my self.  How can I allow the noises of my self to subside and make room for the sounds coming from the other, so that I can truly listen to them? That is the practice**.   I also see that it is not possible to force the self-noise into silence.  There is another piece that speaks of how training and controlling is a cruder form of disciplining that has its limited context and necessity.  One could follow a more meaningful form of self discipline, wherein, the disciplining is a journey of self discovery** and we discover the patterns of our judgments and understand our selves better. And that journey of discovery is also the journey of transformation.  And also the journey of truly listening, and discovering the other - because in a paradoxical way, the journey of self discovery allows the self (noise) to dissipate, giving us a chance to recognise the other, and perhaps also see that the other is not different from the self.

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* That many of us ("normal", mentally stable persons) punish ourselves for many of our perceived mistakes and judgments and so on is a known psychological phenomenon, and there are several studies on self-punishment.

^ To look at this matter as one's judgments interfering with true listening is one perspective, one view of the scene.  There would be other ways definitely; other views of the same scene.

** This is also the practice and journeying in the path of Yoga

Guru Vs Teacher

In continuation with the earlier post "Celebrating Guruhood", I had a conversation with a friend about using the word 'guru' casually and my friend's contention was that we do not call all teachers, Gurus. Which is true. That is exactly the point in my life - my greatest blessing has been that most of my teachers have been Gurus to and for me.

I used the words Guru and teacher knowing full well what I was doing. There is really no translation in English for the word 'Guru', however the nearest is teacher, and if more teachers were like Gurus, we would get somewhere. Even taking the etymological guru - to be one who dispels darkness with his light of wisdom or even as one who goes beyond qualities and form, and even taking it to be spiritual ignorance that the Guru dispels, that is exactly what I am saying - that my teachers have always thrown light on one spiritual aspect or another, and so in that sense they are all Gurus for me.

Celebrating guruhood

This Vijayadasami post is to celebrate the tradition of "guruhood", and all the gurus I have had and those I continue to have, and acquire.

Gurus are people who actually seek you out. And then proceed to take over your life in ways as never before and never after. They give you all of themselves, their time, heart, thought, opportunities, challenges, provocations, work, more work, laughter, tears, food... they might even grow and cook it for you. They might throw in free massages as well. And of course, knowledge. Mind you, you didnt ask for all of this, no sir! You will resist in overt and covert ways, you only wanted to learn sanskrit, or music, or maths and in fact not even now, sometime in the near future... So sometimes you will hem and haw, other times you will fight and struggle upfront, or even try and use strategic ways to only just take what you want and quit the place. But you underestimate your opponent. In true martial artist alias guru style, they will ignore you, swat away your tantrums like pesky mosquitoes and with great love give you what you need. Or what you think they think you need! I havent figured that one out yet.

The thing is these people are life teachers. They show you how they take on life, how to live. But the best part is, they don't look at it this way. When they see you, they dont see you the way you perceive yourself, they are equipped with long sight as far as you are concerned. They see you as your potential actualised, and are constantly pushing you towards that vision. The details of that vision might change, but that doesnt matter. Their work is to push, provoke, challenge, raise, support and season you. Sometimes they will drag you kicking and screaming too. No newfangled notions of individuality and choice here, my child!

I have heard it being said that for true learning to happen, both the seed (teaching / ideas) and soil (student/ taught) should be okay. (As an aside, it is interesting that the teacher as an entity is not mentioned) And so, if the student is the soil, I have come to believe that the fertility of the soil is FAITH. And this faith lends reverence to the process of learning, and facilitating learning. It is my experience that my gurus never really taught me, they have always been facilitating my learning and this is my greatest blessing till date. If faith is at the heart of this process, then the gurus become wish fulfilling trees. Their energy and engagement with you is at the level of a spontaneous perception and insight, a no-mind plane where they facilitate not just your learning, but your well-being and happiness in life. Then you will find them giving you all sorts of stuff that you need, right at the time that you need them, without ever really talking of any of it. There is a communication that happens without the minds participating at all. This can happen at various levels of intensity and understanding, and gurus can be for a season or a lifetime. But come to you they surely do, and if you are armed with faith and you hand over that weapon as well to them, they will make something out of you, or help you make something of yourself. Go figure that one.

One last thought: even if the faith is there, the fight is there too. The seasoning and the molding happens in and through this process of resistance and struggle. And my gurus might call it my arrogance, when I say that the fight seasons them too. They are learning in the process too, and a true guru is more aware of it than the student. So, fight with faith!

'the curious incident of the dog in the night-time'

A novel by Mark Haddon

An insightful and moving piece of work, it is written as a narration of a child who is autistic. Not only draws a beautiful picture of the world and thinking of such a person, but draws out the sense and simplicity in the understanding of a child. I found the book a profound reflection on life itself. It is a must-read for parents, teachers and educationists.

Sensing Nature Through Arts - Summer Camp

Summer Camp for children aged 8 – 12 years, 4th – 9th May 2009
A Review-Report 

Kalakshetra Foundation and The Aseema Trust jointly conducted a six day summer camp, “Sensing nature through arts” for children aged 8 to 12 years. The camp activities were spinning and weaving on a frame, printing from nature and paper making, clay work, kolams and pot decoration, and kalamkari. There were also movies to watch and talk about. The camp was hosted in the quiet and natural environment of the Kalashetra Art centre. The vasanas and energy of the space were just right and suited for a camp-full of people trying to sense nature.

More than anything else, the beauty of the organisation of activities was in the qualities required for the minute hand work – silence, reflection, observation and a sense of aesthetics. In an urban set up we have moved too far away from doing useful work with hands, and the connection of hand work to mind and heart is seldom acknowledged. A dichotomy of academic (mind) and non-academic (hand) work that is non existent has been fed into our psyche, and we fail to see how the hand can be intellectual and emotional. And we have too soon forgotten that science begins with observation. And that man can come closer to the nature that he is part of only by first observing her closely.

The camp introduced and facilitated these qualities in a vibrant manner wherein the children discovered the same in themselves even as they were producing beautiful works of art.

They were learning to walk peacefully, carefully, observe, gather and categorise pieces of nature (leaves, flowers, twigs…) without disturbing her;
they were discovering the joy of being concentrated and focused in one activity unmindful of mild physical discomforts as they were working on their paintings and clay;
they were realising the usefulness of observation and precision;
they were experiencing the intangible pleasure of struggling and completing a creation of their own;
they were imagining, thinking, visualising, and also expressing their ideas through their work;
they were learning to be patient and perseverant in getting that thread just right through the loops;
they were strengthening ties of friendship and cooperation while helping and teaching each other,
they were discovering that being gentle is also being strong while modeling clay;
they were feeling the excitement of numbers as they were counting threads, measuring without the use of external aids, working with different sizes of clay models, teaching each other complicated kolam patterns;
they were experiencing a non-hierarchical, non-pressurised learning environment where learning is for learning’s sake;
they were learning to learn from nature, to mention a few.

Besides all this of course, they were picking up skills of spinning, weaving, threading, painting, clay modeling, braiding, paper making, kolam-drawing... They were also getting an understanding of different materials and their properties through experiential work with cloth, clay, paints, sand, water, stones and so on. We also had very interesting sessions of history, film appreciation, unorganised play, contemporary social issues and listening to music thrown in. We watched a movie on Khadi cloth and its making by Kanika Myers, extracts of a movie that revolved around school children in rural Karnataka and their discussions on caste discrimination, and Satyajit Ray’s movie titled, “The adventures of Goopy and Bhaga”.

An open session was planned for the last day when the children exhibited their work to their parents. There was also a potluck snacks party for the entire camp team including the faculty, volunteers, children and others. The children’s theatre on this day deserves special mention. The play by Shri. Velu Saravanan and his team was entrancing and very interactive. Judging by the laughter and complete involvement of the entire population in the hall, all of us were children for that duration. Set in the background of a fisherman’s child finding a pot with a genie inside while at sea, the team also kept asking some fundamental questions on what is knowledge and what is development through the course of the skit. This is very relevant since the success of the summer camp is not simply in it being conducted well, although it is a part too, but in the continued internalising and practice of these qualities in each of us who were a part of the camp.

A fitting finale was a running presentation of the delightful memories and moments of the camp captured digitally.

30-hour Project, The School KFI

Event News from Chennai: 

Last week I had been to The School, Krishnamurthy Foundation, for a presentation by the (now) XII^th Std. students. These students were involved in a project called the 30-hour project the previous year. The deal was that during that year, each student would spend a total of 30 hours doing / learning something new, besides his academics. The objective of this activity was that s(he) gets to do something that s(he) loves and wants to do, besides being a shift away away from their scholarly pursuits. Each of the 20-odd students made a presentation on their 30-hour project.

Just before the programme began: the Assembly Hall in their school made colourful with different displays around the hall, students from other classes gathered to watch their seniors, parents and others joining the crowd, and the persons to be on stage busily tinkering around the place in preparation.

The event started with music and jamming. Three guys with their guitars, and drums playing an orginal composition. They then got the corwd tapping their feet to a spontaneous rendition of Jamming. The result: raw energy, pulsating music and high talent. There were other music sessions – one girl playing the veena, and yet another singing. There was one who said she didn’t know her own mother-tongue, and so started learning it – malayalam. She recited nursery rhymes in malayalam, and then went on to sing a malayalam song too. The business magnate shared the business experience that he got by working in his mother’s two-wheeler Showroom. The historian shared his learning and titbits from a book on Indian History that he had read, became quite impassioned with his subject until he was told to stop by his co-presentors. The pioneer who learnt and practiced tentpegging and proudly announced that she is one of the first tentpeggers in the country. The sportsman showing off the smart and smooth moves that he practices now while playing basketball and confounds the opponent. Besides these, there was capentry, origami, tye-and-dye, mehendi, camera-making, sketching, design / art, model-making, cooking, embroidery, and welding.

On the surface it might have been just another cultural event. But the students themselves and what they shared with the audience made all the difference. All of them were candid, simple and unassuming about what they had to say. They all shared the difficulties they had faced during the course of their project, new learning that they acquired, ideas that struck them etc. The student who made the camera said that there is some problem because of which it does not take the photo now but he hasn’t yet solved it. Another who said he wanted to study literature in his mother-tongue (telugu) but gave up because it was too difficult, and instead made models of a bike and a monster both of which run on motor. The potential entrepreneur who displayed a lamp shade that he had made, and spoke about how he did not just learn carpentry from his teacher but also how this can be made in to a profitable business and developing his entrepreneurial skills and abilities. The novice chef admitted that she does not enjoy cooking much, and so decided that she had to learn it and get acquainted with it. She brought some dishes for sampling, which were pronounced delicious. There were others who not content with just learning the skill or art, did some background study about it and presented this information too. Like, who started the practice of wearing Mehendi, when and the evolution of the art. Each one of them had their unique style of presenting their stuff, and each had something new and different to offer.

Above all, the knowledge that this team had to share with us was of learning itself and work– that ways of learning and education is not simply within the textbooks or inside the classrooms. Education is for all times and spaces – one only has to look for it and be aware of it. And in this learning and awareness, there is only the healthy drive to excel in whatever one is doing and enhance each other’s development. This cooperation, harmonised effort and an aware learning is what is needed to transform education to success and achievement.

Bindaas!

A review of Taare Zameen Par

Movie, “bindaas!” as Ishaan Avasti (Darsheel Zafary), the character in the movie would say. Upfront, a simple film with a moving story about a child with a disorder – dyslexia. His disorder is not understood by anyone, and as a result he is labeled a lazy, rude and disinterested boy who remains behind in the race of everyday school competition. Enter, a different kind of a teacher, who has overcome the same condition in himself, to help the kid through it, gain acceptance in the eyes of his world by charting his own path to excellence.

But look again, the dyslexia is only the gateway; the movie does not attempt to get into the technicalities of the disorder, which may have interested only a part of the audience. Not using the term “education system” anywhere really, the movie shows glimpses of what is going wrong with our current schooling system and flashes of ideas for betterment here and there. But, neither has the movie started analysing deeply into schooling issues, nor tried to show The Way to correct the system. Yet, it has touched upon many problems with it, all connected, through a simple and inspiring story. Brilliant storytelling!

The three significant scenes which are heavy and dealing with overall questions of learning and schooling, flow in perfect timing and location in the movie. They come on suddenly without any building up to profound message-giving, forcing the audience to take the “bitter pill” so to say, and then swiftly we move on without wallowing.

One is the scene where the teacher, Nikumb (Aamir Khan), meets the child’s parents and pushes them to look at the purpose of educating their boy, the absurdity of their own expectations from him and the meaning of success, pointing to them as well as the audience the anomalies with the current societal approach to education and ideas of success and achievement.

The second is the powerful conversation between the father and the teacher which brings out the difference between true compassion and taking care of the (a) child, and the appearance of doing so. This scene very starkly places the child as the focal point in the entire gymnastics.

The third scene is the staff room, when the innovative teacher hits against a wall of lethargy, insensitivity and rigidity of the “system” in the other teachers.

Here the script stumbles, and this staff room scene is weaker than the other two in that, it only depicts the system’s arguments against a different learning-oriented values and schooling, but keeps the teacher who can see the problems, a passive listener.

Another problem in the film is that it does not stay true to its own punch line, “Every child is special”. In showing the one character and his trials in life, the other children are all clubbed into one uniformed mass laughing at him. The only exception is the one who becomes his friend.

A very good twist in the story is that the teacher himself is also dyslexic, because then there is empathy beyond anything else, and also an example of possibilities and opportunities for the child.

There are many little insights into children’s learning, human behaviour, and how relationships work, that are scattered in the movie and make it timeless – just a subtle awareness displayed without going too much into details and analysis – whether it is the suggestion of how to engage with the government, or it is the consciousness that there are other children without even the middle class comfort of our protagonist (without being didactic about it), or a simple understanding of how a child thinks, learns and responds.

One such subtle funniness in the movie is the play on the word, “drishtikon”, which means “perspective”. The boy is asked to explain a poem on Drishtikon, which he does so with a much deeper insight into the concept of perspective. To his utter chagrin, the Hindi teacher scolds him and appreciates another boy who re-quotes the poem in an explanatory way as he has been taught. One could almost miss the nuances of his fine explanation of perspective. Towards the end, the same teacher appreciates the boy to his parents, saying “What a different perspective your son has of things! Bravo!”

Technically, a sound production – music, visual and imagery brilliantly done (the title visual and music deserve special mention), and the performance of the actors is first-rate. The one aspect in which the editing gets unstable is when Aamir Khan is on screen. There are too many sudden cuts to close in on his face working up tears and getting highly emotional. It does not make sense that a person who is so passionately working with different kinds of children, and who has had a different childhood himself would burst into such emotion at the drop of a hat! And it is amateurish if the camera has to do a close-up every time he gets into emotion. I suppose this is to ward off the evil eye!

Conclusion however: this is a movie worth collecting for the library.