A Loneliness

A loneliness.
It manifests differently,
With different people.
A loneliness.
It has different flavours,
In different contexts.
A loneliness.
It smells and feels uniquely,
Rendering the environment.
A loneliness, nevertheless.

Sometimes when it is there,
I can want it to be.
I am settled in it.
I am watching this –
The settling.
The loneliness allows it.

Sometimes it’s there;
And I don’t want it.
I am feeling heavy, intense.

Sometimes,
It just creeps up on me,
And then, there is so much space.

This loneliness,
It’s like a separate entity –
Standing apart,
Yet within me.

Sometimes,
I love and welcome it,
this aloneness inside.
It frees me somehow
And melts the chains
holding my heart tight.
I breathe,
And fly.

Sometimes,
it makes me want to cry.
there’s a hollowness
in my gut.
But my chest and throat,
they are clogged up,
with Emotion?

But,
I am not inside the emotion.
It is in me.
The aloneness allows this.

There are all these other times
When I just don’t know,
don’t feel, this aloneness.
I would be all alone,
at home or in the park
But I simply cant find it –
this aloneness.
Just a gazillion forms
shifting, writhing and twisting in me;
and I am drifting this way and that.

And then there can be a time,
in the middle of a crowded room,
much like this one –
the loneliness in another,
the aloneness she is inhabiting
is clear, evident;
and all at once,
I am right in there,
in that lonely, alone space
in my heart.

I am in it,
and it is in me.