I have been grappling with a personal situation for some time now, and trying to see what is my conflict in the situation. In time, I saw that one of my central questions is, "What is 'The Right Action'?" and some part of the conflict is around this question. This seemed like a non-starter question, or not a question at all, the way I was looking at it. We are educated and conditioned to look at everything ideally, isolated, and without supporting contexts. So, for me a shiny "The Right Action" has been standing out, with bollywood sound effects in the background. But how can there be any action without a context? and its variables? Dont we all live and think and act within one context or another or more? Then, can there be one single right action? All of a sudden I feel like I know why I hated maths in school. The way we were taught maths in school was absolute. I hated its absoluteness - 2 + 2 = 4. There could be only one right answer to this. I just abhorred this only-one-answer phenomenon. Of course, today I can appreciate intellectually that an Indian approach is different. For instance, how we measure. The joy when I discovered this was immense, but it has remained intellectual. I realised when I was looking at the current situation that I am looking for my one right solution that fits all, that makes everyone happy, that is good for all and so on. 2 + 2 = 4, always. Something gave way, then.
Could there by many possible actions, given a certain context and unchanging and variable factors? Each action with its set of consequences and chain of reaction. Can there be a 'right' or a 'wrong' about any action? But, take the case of my present situation, I have certain values that I want to adhere to, certain desires and needs that are mine and want to be satisfied, certain requirements of the overall situation, and values of others in this space, their needs, desires and so on. And I find that these are contrary to each other. When there is a conflict of this kind, the question of what is the right thing to do does come in for me. What is this 'right' then? 'Right' for whom and what? I want my actions to adhere to my values; this is 'right'. But this seems to be contrary to my desires at this point. So I am then stepping back and examining my values, where do they come from, how did they get built. I am examining my desires, what are their sources. Then, I want the 'other' to be happy with my action and accept it. This seems to be also in the realm of 'right'. But then again, stepping back, this is an expectation, not reality. So I am examining this expectation then. There is just SO MUCH that is already packed into that one word, 'right' which I am trying to unpack, unravel. But then, this examination is a lifetime process, and what happens now when the building is on fire? I cant go away and learn fire-fighting and then come back. I have to learn fire-fighting on the job, by doing it. A friend said this morning that I am writing my own bhagavad gita, which seems just what is happening.
It is on the battlefield that Arjuna stops to examine his conflicts. However, at the point of battle, I cant say, "Hey, let me sit in a corner and study the bhagavad gita and get '10 ways to combat situation A' " (Well, maybe I can, and maybe then the battle will pass me by?!) But I want to fight this battle. Because just as for Arjuna, all battles are eventually inside me, right? And I may run away today, but will then come again and again to this point. So, I need to fight this today. From this perspective, reading some inspirational quotes or even the Yamas and niyamas, or Maitri karuna... seem to get converted to mere tools or equipment that I dont know how to use, if I say let me read them now and get some pointers, or someone directs me to them. It feels at the moment like I can only be fully present and aware and alive to this situation, to the conflicts herein, and examine and watch and respond from this visceral part of me. And perhaps if some swadhyaya has been happening in normal (whatever that means. Maybe less turbulent) times, then some bhavana of maitri karuna... may come alive. Although even saying this seems like an expectation, a gentle injunction and I have come to experience and see that no amount of spiritual training from the outside can make me really ready for this inner battle.
And so, right action. At this point I want to replace this dense and packed word, 'right' with 'dharmic'. Dharmic action. Another dense word? The funny thing is that dharma is sometimes defined as "doing the right thing"!*@&!*!! But if I see the sanskrit, dharati iti dharma, that which supports, nurtures, restores, revives, make alive.... So this seems like a basic and simple enough criterion for action, which, importantly for me, is dynamic, continuously changing, and creational. Something that can be mine. Something that is me. Just as the flower has her dharma, that tree has his dharma, you have yours, and I have mine. Wow! But this means that I will need to examine and discover my dharmic action for every moment. Because every moment is new, different from the previous one. And yet, it is pregnant with every moment that came before it, isnt it? Because all the moments before has led to this moment. And it has in it every moment that is going to come, because it is leading there. And I can really only be in this moment, which is great because just this moment is all of time. And it is also pregnant with its context, its changing and eternal factors, its relationships, emotions and the whole gamut of human experience, and I am a part of that. Which means, to live, I am born new every moment. And I have to give birth to my dharmic action that moment. This is my hope, and my challenge.
