My great grand mother, Kamakshi Ammal, passed away on Feb 15th 2008. Fighting to retain her independence till the very last days. That was one of the foremost qualities about her - Her independence, of action and thought. She was traditional and yet modern at the same time. She was a stickler to her 'acharam' in practices like not touching anybody until she has finished her daily 'parayanam' in the morning, but at the same time would not blink an eyelid about a girl marrying out of her religion, and would say, "So what?" You have to remember the generation she comes from and all its orthodoxy. She was 88 when she passed away. Despite her orthodox times, she studied for nursing, which was stopped half way through when she went to live with her husband and in-laws at age 16 (she was married at 13), took up the management of a big household and made for herself a position of authority in a male-dominated house by assuming greater and greater responsibilities, and also picked up reading, which stuck to her until the end of her life. One has to understand what it meant to manage a household in those times - a joint family, moreover a family which was very illustrious in Madurai in those days, dozens of visitors every day to meet the advocates in-house, numerous do's and dont's for cooking, and feeding this large number of people, the numerous religious practices, poojas and daily routines... and so on. She would tell us of all this as many anecdotes and stories involving the house and the people... one of the favourites that I remember are the late evenings, early nights when the men would go off to a movie or hang out with friends, and the women would retire to the women's chambers upstairs and then "they (women) would have all their fun". This fun consisted of my grandmother reading from novels, magazines, news papers for her mother-in-law and other women, young and old in the family, from the light of the hurricane(?) lamp. Only she could read. I imagined how my grandmother would have opened a whole new world of happenings and things through her reading on many of these nights.
A voracious reading practice and an openness to new ideas and experiences were things that were essential to her being. She was well-versed in many many scriptures, could chant as well as explain their meaning, could quote lines from any of Kalki or Sujatha's novels apt to the situation; she also had a huge repository of all these quaint folk songs which she let loose to hers and our absolute glee, very relevant to the situation. My greatest regret has been that I have not documented any of these. It is these songs or small poem-compositions of those times, which show a different life - of deep observation of people and the way things happen, even the time to observe, and then the time to compose a song on the observation, the inclination to sit around and sing these songs in the evenings.... I must mention here that all the Ramayana and Mahabharatha that I know, I know because of her. She used to tell us stories from the 2 epics and that is how I know any of it. My sister lying on one side of her and I on the other at bed time, we used to listen to these stories which she said with great detail, relish and abandon. This was yet another quality that she kept with her always - her story telling quality. I realise as I write, that she enjoyed telling people stories and anecdotes. She also enjoyed meeting people, and talking to them about various things, drawing them out to tell her things (little realising that she was collecting anecdotes), and of course having them listen to her. Later, she would talk about them and come out with some wise and funny insight about their behaviour.
It took very little to tickle her funny bone, and she would see some humour in almost any situation, and have a private laugh to herself. It was this ability to see the funny side of things which probably kept her sane, strong and open, even living with generations of people 4 times removed from hers, having different lifestyles and values, and doing strange things which she cannot understand. But it must also be said that she strived to keep herself up-to-date with all the things happening around her. She read all the Tamil news papers, magazines and all trivia that she can come across and would be able to talk to us also about these things. I remember talking to her once about some political issue, and with great reluctance she stated some of her views and during the conversation also told us how they had stopped wearing new clothes after the partiton of India happened! The entire family went into a life long mourning on this and vowed not to wear new clothes for any occasion. It was an eye-opener for me! I suddenly realised from what a political background she comes, and how her contemporaries in the family took part in the freedom struggle. And then came the realisation that she had no trouble keeping up with the political and social developments in the country or even in the world; it was technology and its application in every day life, life style and occupation, which she found strange.
The core of my great grandmother was strength. Strength all the way - imagine a woman who had seen everybody in her family, from her own parents, children, children's spouses, siblings, grand-child's spouse, her husband whom she tended in the last days of his life when she was 80! (his bed sores and all), die before her ... and after all that could retain her sense of humour, love for new things, reading, propensity to pull everyone's legs, her love for knowledge... 88 years of life, well-lived, seasoned by so much of life's struggles and still the twinkle in the eye through it all.
A voracious reading practice and an openness to new ideas and experiences were things that were essential to her being. She was well-versed in many many scriptures, could chant as well as explain their meaning, could quote lines from any of Kalki or Sujatha's novels apt to the situation; she also had a huge repository of all these quaint folk songs which she let loose to hers and our absolute glee, very relevant to the situation. My greatest regret has been that I have not documented any of these. It is these songs or small poem-compositions of those times, which show a different life - of deep observation of people and the way things happen, even the time to observe, and then the time to compose a song on the observation, the inclination to sit around and sing these songs in the evenings.... I must mention here that all the Ramayana and Mahabharatha that I know, I know because of her. She used to tell us stories from the 2 epics and that is how I know any of it. My sister lying on one side of her and I on the other at bed time, we used to listen to these stories which she said with great detail, relish and abandon. This was yet another quality that she kept with her always - her story telling quality. I realise as I write, that she enjoyed telling people stories and anecdotes. She also enjoyed meeting people, and talking to them about various things, drawing them out to tell her things (little realising that she was collecting anecdotes), and of course having them listen to her. Later, she would talk about them and come out with some wise and funny insight about their behaviour.
It took very little to tickle her funny bone, and she would see some humour in almost any situation, and have a private laugh to herself. It was this ability to see the funny side of things which probably kept her sane, strong and open, even living with generations of people 4 times removed from hers, having different lifestyles and values, and doing strange things which she cannot understand. But it must also be said that she strived to keep herself up-to-date with all the things happening around her. She read all the Tamil news papers, magazines and all trivia that she can come across and would be able to talk to us also about these things. I remember talking to her once about some political issue, and with great reluctance she stated some of her views and during the conversation also told us how they had stopped wearing new clothes after the partiton of India happened! The entire family went into a life long mourning on this and vowed not to wear new clothes for any occasion. It was an eye-opener for me! I suddenly realised from what a political background she comes, and how her contemporaries in the family took part in the freedom struggle. And then came the realisation that she had no trouble keeping up with the political and social developments in the country or even in the world; it was technology and its application in every day life, life style and occupation, which she found strange.
The core of my great grandmother was strength. Strength all the way - imagine a woman who had seen everybody in her family, from her own parents, children, children's spouses, siblings, grand-child's spouse, her husband whom she tended in the last days of his life when she was 80! (his bed sores and all), die before her ... and after all that could retain her sense of humour, love for new things, reading, propensity to pull everyone's legs, her love for knowledge... 88 years of life, well-lived, seasoned by so much of life's struggles and still the twinkle in the eye through it all.
